A Question of Balance

This is not a story of loss, but a situation that brought a clearer reasoning and a greater sense that’s there are force's in prayer greater than we actually realize, just an ounce of faith can can bring resolve or direction to removing the fear or anger that over comes us when certain events or treat confront us as we travel along the pathways of life. all we have too do is believe in a greater power than our self, then allow this power to help us find a stronger sense of reasoning that helps us overcome that which we seemily can do by ourselfs, sort of like an inner sense or gut feeling that just over whelms us, then if the situation requires an immediate response, we must act quickly in that new faith so to choose that first gut, in which is in most situations the proper action to resolve the situation at hand because if we delay in making a decision for to long will get a second gut or even a third, thus begins doult and panic from indecision. 

  Well this is where I began to realize something was seriously wrong with my life and sense the way I was coping with it just was'nt going well with all my friends and family members. Even though at times I'd reach out in faith or prayer for some kind of reasoning why it was unwinding the way it was, I just couldn't see what I was doing wrong, or why I was reacting to situation of discomfort or events that had some adverse affect on my daily sense of responsibility to my family or employer. So as I crossed over the threshold of this new awaking It became very difficult to keep my pride or emotion from destorting my ability to sort out the true nature on how I interpeted just what was taking place with my communications with others  especially when there was a group involved. and to make it even more frustrating, just a few years back, I was very active and successfull with sales presentation for my company, and now I seemly couldn't keep from getting frustrated and angry, over somethings that were so trivial.

   With reluctance at first I slowly allowed others to help me to re-established my will wiliness to search for the truth, and except guidiance of those who had travel semiular roads to what I was now struggling with and allowing them to help me make the right decision within my self to  put my life back on track and in doing so I Would strenghten my possibilties to be able to not only understand that which was causing my problems, but also give me the confedence that I could actually change those forces and habits that had taken over my life in one form or another. Making New Choices is what is changing my New Life

  This is where believe it all came tumbling dowm around me, I had lost my job, and had no Income, very little savings seemed I was going to be totally dependent on my social security and what my other half was abl to bring home from being a Checker at a local food store.   I believe when I filled for my social security at 62.  I began to struggle with my frustration, seemed I was totally unaware that it would take so long to get my first check, even though I filed three months befor my 62nd Birthday, I had to wait till sept to get my first check because, my birthday was on july 4th so that disallowed me a july check, then they hold a month so that denied me August Check, because they will aways be holding a check till when ever its tiime for me to leave, so they just keep it I guess, because I won't be there to collect it. So as you see Sept was my first check which I had to wait till the second wednesday or the 10th of each month which ever came first. Of course your rent was due onth the 5th, and most your utilities and car payment by mid month then came Insurance after that. Which once bills were paid I had 200.00 a month left for food and misc, entertainment. and now I was 100 days behind, minus what my other half was able to bring to the table. Even though I had done what most had done before me like served my country and was release as a disabled Vet as was my father before, because he was a prisoner of War in one of Germanys Concentration Camp and was recently buried in Arlington, where his Book was placed in the Museum there, which described not only his, but many other Americans and Englishmen daily ordeals and suffering (Frank William Balestrine), I spent my entire life, paying taxes as we all have. So why wouldn't I trust my Countries Social Systems that were established so to protect us and be there when we weren’t able to provide as well for ourselves and are love ones. Well somewhere along the way there seems to have been a change of the guards and now I'm left to defend for my self and I'm made to except I should take what ever is offered or given and be most thankful, and it can change at any moment if I don't watch my or how I respond to what they say or do. 

  So as all this unfolded I began and compound my a short list of events, I found my self total off guard to what retirement really was like.. Well I didn't really like that I had to go for months with very little to operate on, but what’s a singe voice really going to do. Thus I'm sending out another flag that American's everywhere needs to heed. Well little did I know that they had other ways to cut your checks off and to delay payments? I had an auto accident and My Permanent upper Partials got Broken loose , and I had three teeth broken off by the steering wheel, and I was in a long line waiting for the VA too be able to get me in to remove all the teeth, then find a Organization to help me with some dentures. Well After a year of waiting and the VA Doctor refusing to renew my Pain Medicine because it might cause my kidneys serious problems, I foolishly got myself into a pickle of a mess.

Well I'm sure I complained allot at first, which prompted one of my son to show me that cocaine would do the trick. But being 60 and really unaware of the streets ways, since I had been a work catholic and worked and watch TV and crashed each night, It was for sure my 7 children had been closer to the way things were out there, by the ways they could find to spend their money and Mine, so I knew only what they brought to the table during meals or problems we had to resolve along the way together. Well my son educated me to a product being sold on the street called Coke or Crack Cocaine, and explained allot of people with mouth or teeth pain use it for Municipal Purpose, so he brought me some time to time, So I kept it in the medicine Cabinet, and every time my teeth and Gums decided to go on a rampage, I just stick my fingers in my little bowl and rub some on my gums, Wham the pain was gone, well one day I my gums were really kicking my butt, and no Son around to supply me with my quick fix, so I kind of new where he went to get it. So I jumped in the car and off I went, but was I in for a real surprise, I was pulled over, an officer ran over to my car, stuck his hand in and grabbed my throat, and yelled don't sallow, then rapidly pulled me out of the car, when he didn't fine anything in my mouth, him and another officer search my car, and seemly still couldn't fine any thing to use so to you take me to jail. Then one officer turned me around to take my cuffs off, when suddenly he yelled what’s this on his hand, and went to the car and acquired a razor blade, he scarped my palm and seemly got some residue off it, well for sure sweat and dead skin made up most of it, because I had already rub my finger on the palm to crush the small rock for 5 dollars so I could rub it on my gums. So he put what looked like a snow flake in a tiny zip lock bag and then went his trunk and did something, He stepped out and said yep tested positive, so they placed me in the car and arrested me for having some Residue on my palm of my left hand, If they had treated me like a citizen I would have honestly told them exact ally what was happening, but really they really didn't seem to interest in talking to me, just at me, so where I had rubbed my finger on the small amount of coke his friend gave me, so to kill my pain they would have understood why they got their power, but after they search my car and person, and couldn’t find anything they were a little frustrated so they scrapped my palm with a razor, and charged me with procession of a Control substance less than a gram, which wasn’t quit the truth, It seemed they didn't want to put the words residue on the arrest statement because it might look a bit weak. Well I went to court a few days after being booked they offered me 6mo's which on how the state calculates their time I'd end up doing 90days, but I thought since I was in this mess anyway maybe I should seek something constructive to do, I heard several guys await court as I mention a drug program, so I asked if I could take one so to learn why they were so against it, and maybe get some help with my teeth. Well they told me that I had to do take a year’s sentence to get 6month, because the program I would be in required 6 months. The program was called New Choices, thus I'd get the entire medical and Education on Substance abuse which covered all chemical or products that could bring about an addiction. and since I was going into a program I would be sentenced under 1422B a misdemeanor, ha later when I went to social security it showed as a felony 4, which conveniently allowed them to cut off my checks during the time I was in there, and then take four more months to get it reinstated again, so at my age what’s next.

Well this is where Social security comes in, After being in new choices for two months my family informs me my social security was cut off, and They couldn't pay my rent and hold my house with out using the 2 checks sent to me before Social Security cut off my checks, so when I finished my Program on Nov 1st at 6:30 Am on Sunday, I went Social Security, Monday right away that morning when it opened, They sent me away, because I didn't have release papers from the state, so I return the next day and they tell me I'd get my check in Dec on the Second Wednesday, so I figured they were taking Novembers check to recover the over payment in June, but they waited till Dec 1st to send me a letter saying that I was be reinstated in December and not November, and they were going to take that check for June , and I would get my January Check on the second Wednesday in February 2010, so they want me to sit out on the street 4 months with out a dime, and just wait and, they wouldn’t allow me Food stamp, because I was charged with a Felony Drug charge. So this is what a country that bring in over a million Immigrants a year and shares our Rights and benefits with them, and then turns around and denies us that which we spent a life time earning. Then when we panic are become frustrated and fearful, were told are behavior is only going to make things worse, just go home if you have one and wait as everyone else.

Now that’s where I hit the ceiling, why are so many American being put to the way side so we can help millions of others, that may truly need help, but there comes a time in all countries where we must slow down and protect those that helped build these great nations with the hard years of work and sacrifice, both regards to health and death defending this great nations borders here and abroad. Not counting the countless lives lost from over exposure to Industrial chemicals, Asbestos, and Sulfur and Coal in mines, causing Lung Decease and on and on, but these American have lost their homes and many their jobs and seemly forced to live in despair and have very few places to turn, as if we all have awaken in another world that seemly see us as the over whelming and demanding yuppies from yester years they wish we'd just go away. Because they have all these millions willing to come and ask very little for our way of life and only expect half as much for being granted access to all our Benefits with out any of it original cost, and being allow to obtain Citizenship with out having to show any history of their past life where as we must be measured and weighed and held accountable for those errors we acquired as we walked through our lives as dedicated Citizens who have spent are entire lives, as all Americans have done since the conception of this Country invested in the building what stands today, the Grave yard are full of are families sacrifices and devotions. Yet are Bank accounts are empty and our Treasures are being auctioned off, and if we might wonder who’s left to turn to are plead our situations to, we find that are Hero's and their past History erased and our voices being silenced through a process called labeling, see if you label everyone you can then silence them by bring up their past with out words by just mentioning their past labels, they were a drunks, a felons, a thiefs, an addicts. But the saddest of all We have walk away with our heads down as if to summit that somehow we deserve this, and we should just leave and let this country go to the highest bidder and if were wise stand out side of there door and see what they have for us to do. While ever time you turn on the News are read the paper another top Official we all trusted or was lead to believe we could trust, is leaving our Country with all theirs Money and some of our National treasures to live else where.

If we don't we have accepted defeat, we learned nothing from our parents on what this great nation once stood for and how it became so great. Maybe before we close our doors maybe we ought to go take good looks at our family Photo albums and ask our self one last time, is this what my Parents would have accepted. I believe well all get the same answer in our hearts and soles, turn on your Computers, and pick up your pens and pencils the fight has just begun. Were far from being defeated, because we all remember those old songs, and those Hero’s we once watch in the movies, together we stand apart we fall, only this time the battle is on our own soil, and well not let our country be taken so easily. We don’t have to go crazy and destroy all we know and love just refuse to support those that are deceiving us and stealing away the American dreams one dream at a time, while we sit in silence, we too can surround the White house for that matter the entire border of our country, where nothing comes or goes with our say so. We are the people for the people and only by the people will we know for sure that it’s really happening the way we expect it to. oh yeah there’s know time like the present to start acting on what’s taking place, wait to long and it will all be over and far to late to change or stop what’s taking place. Remember the sixties well they brought the great 70's and 80's and they were wonderful years because of it. Good luck and May God be with us all. If Time doesn't seem as important in all matters consider this, what Ancient History did in 4000 years, Europe did in 2,000, The Next Generations the United states of America did the same in 200 years, and what was establish by all in the last two Hundreds years was completely revised, change, and outdated in 20, and with the last few years the world as we knew it has nearly collapsed so how long do you think we have to bring Humanity to a moment of serious Prayer and start the birth of the moment we have all have thought would come before us one day anyway, the moment of truth where we don't cry out God save us, I believe what he had planned from the beginning, that a moment in time we evolve to a level of intelligence to where we realize he helps those who stand and take responsibility, and isn't it obvious if we turn unto one another and challenge each other to bring forth the energy and inner force we have given were not only going to turn all this around , but take it to the new Millennium to where we shall soon walk and fellowship with the living Lord and all his angels, what a glorious thought. All that stands between that and us is Standing on the Faith we were meant to long ago, accepting for once were all Gods Children, and its time we act like it, don't you think so. I'm not sure where all these thoughts come from, but after reading them I’m proud I wrote them. If you can write please meditate and search your heart and soul then consider taking them to next level. Can't we all see that any social system is becoming the world’s social system, because the world is becoming as one society which will reap what it sow's or pay the cost of that which we refuses to acknowledge. I'm only one voice in the wilderness, just Imagine if we all sang the same song at the same time, we'd be the trumpets to the coming of what was promised in the beginning, so can't you dig it, stand all of you, take each others hands till everyone around the globe is feeling things on the same accord. Their times to bury hate, lies, and forget all trespasses. All we have to do is believe in Love and except it is his original Love that flow in ours, thus we make it our love being returned unto him. Also, placing the final key in the lock, So that Gates of heaven shall open, and all those Angels chosen will come forth to walk among the world as family as they had once done. So let it be written so let it be done.